harry potter meets barney
by morgish
Summary: this is my first ever story so the first chaptert sucks! but harry finds out that barney is telling all the little kids not to go to hogwarts if they get an invite. what is the big purple dinosaur hiding? who is it really?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry Potter characters or any of that stuff. Yeah what is the point of disclaimers? Do YOU think I own the Harry Potter? Yeah that's what I thought.  
  
Harry was sitting on the Dersleys couch watching Barney with Dudley. Dudley had been away at his private school and got in a fight which erased his memory and all dignity. While Harry watches a message pops up to stick around afterward for bonus footage. Woopty doo! Well dudley who was barking at a dog t hat had just walked by didn't hear that. So after the "I love you, you love me" song dudley ran strait to his parents to sing the song to them. If you can call yelling at the top of your lungs singing.  
  
A/N sorry it was short this is my first story! 


	2. capter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Harry potter characters or anything Harry potter related. Do you really think I did?  
  
Harry went to turn off the movie when Dudley came back in and told him not too. "But it's over." Harry tried to explain but Dudley burst into tears and went crying to his mommy. Harry sighed as his aunt screamed at him from upstairs. He looked back at the TV and Barney had come back and started talking. "That's right listen up boys and girls!" he was saying, "now I want all of you to listen to good old Barney and if you get a letter that says something about a school for witchcraft and wizardry don't go! Really. Barney went and he had a miserable time I don't want you all to be miserable! So just throw that stupid letter in the fire. Buh bye now!" Barney said with a final wave and the TV screen went blue. Harry stared at the TV long after it went blue. How did Barney find out about Hogwarts? Harry wondered if the ministry of magic knew about it. Harry's thoughts were forced to take a backseat as Dudley burst out with a new song. This time louder then when he was before. "WHEN THE TOAST IS BURNED AND ALL THE MILK HAS TURNED AND CAPTAIN CRUNCH IS WAVING FAREWELL." Dudley burst out with the chorus of Breakfast. Harry groaned. He liked the Newsboys a great deal and Breakfast was one if his favorite songs by them. But Dudley made it sound just plain annoying. And now it was stuck in his head. "When the big one finds you may this song remind you that they don't serve breakfast in hell." Harry finished hummed the rest of the chorus to himself. Harry started thinking about the whole Barney incident again. If muggles find out about it Hogwarts may have to close! Harry thought to himself. (A/N: I know they would never do that. But hey this is a fanfic.) Harry walked out back and sat on the back porch thinking to himself. "If I have to live with the Dursleys until I can move out, and go to muggle schools, ill kill myself." Harry said to absolutely no one. "Make that, ill kill myself. Aztec style."  
  
A/N: I know my chapters are short! But oh well. For all of you who don't know to die Aztec style is to be a "sacrifice." Meaning the Aztec priests do some pretty gruesome stuff. 


	3. Rons letter

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the stuff in my chapter. I may bring up yellow Jell-O too and I don't own that either. My science teacher kind of owns it. Long story ill tell it after the chapter. Oh and any of the bands or songs I put in here. Not mine either. Oh and I don't own anything I happen to put in my authors note at the end.  
  
It was around four in the morning when Harry heard a tapping at his window. He looked up and saw Hedwig and Errol. Each of them had envelopes tied to their legs. He jumped up and let them in. He looked at the two of and untied the letters from their legs. They went over to Hedwig's cage and began to drink. Harry yawned. He was still rather tired. He had been up until around 1:00 thinking about the Barney incident. He reached over and picked up the letters. Errol's was undoubtedly from Ron. He opened it and read.  
  
Harry, Hey what's up? Harry looked up at the ceiling wondering what on earth Ron was talking about. All he saw was the white ceiling. Shaking his head he assumed he just didn't read it correctly because of the lack of light. He sighed and went back to the letter.  
  
Something weird has been going on. You live with muggles maybe you know what's going on. There is this big purple character that the muggles made up to help teach little kids the correct ways of life. It's called Barney. Do know what it is? Well any way they have pulled everyone in the ministry to track down this big purple dinosaur. The problem is the dinosaur said at the end of one of his "episodes" that if they got Hogwarts letters that they shouldn't go. It is a big risk for the exposure of our world. Dad had been in distress for quite a while now. But what's worse is other little kid television "shows" Are starting it up too. There is a group of Australians called "the wiggles" (don't has Harry) and they sing. But in the middle of one of their songs it says "be sure not to go Hogwarts. It's an evil school." The ministry is trying to track them down too. But their charms and such aren't working. The wiggles and Barney are protected by spells. They have to be wizards or something. Maybe they're under influence of wizards. No body knows. Ok enough of that. I would have you over for the rest of the holidays but Lee Jordan and Penelope Clearwater are both here. And bill and Charlie will be here tomorrow. Fred and George have been working on a new food invention. It's called yellow Jell-O. Whenever someone eats it they start singing a random song. It's pretty funny because they put a big plate of it out with desert last night. It was really good but Percy started singing the Newsboys Breakfast, Penelope sang Britney spears oops I did it again, my parents started singing aerosmith walk this way, and I of course had to start singing eminem sing for the moment. It was pretty funny but you sing the entire song before the spell goes away. And believe me its hard to rap and laugh at the same time. See you sep. 1st Ron Harry yawned but smiled. He was so tired. But he had a good laugh anyway. He went and picked up the envelope from Hedwig. It was from hagrid. He opened it up and saw it was rather short. Harry, I just thought id write and tell you that poor old norbert has died. Dumbledore said he got a letter from the colony that he got a disease. See you at school. Hagrid  
  
Harry yawned once again and put the letters on his bedside table. He felt bad for Hagrid. He had loved Norbert very much. But then he began to wonder about what Ron had said. Perhaps tomorrow he'd ask Dudley if he had any of these wiggles videos. But for now he wanted to sleep. He smiled as he though of the yellow Jell-O. It seemed like a really cool invention and a good way to get people to sing. Still thinking about what Ron would sound like rapping he drifted off to sleep.  
  
A/N ok this chapter is longer than the other ones but it's still kinda short. Ok the whole yellow Jell-O thing. Well I was in science once and we were talking about how jello is made. (animal bones) and she said that if you boiled a chicken bones and all and then put it in the fridge over night then the next day it would come out looking like yellow jello. Well our class started laughing and my teacher didn't get why and then someone pointed out that it rhymed. And then our teachers like "oh I get it cause she's a poet." so that was interesting science class. And an amusing one. And there is an actual fanfic called yellow jello if you care to read it. It's really funny. It's a tomora pierce one. 


	4. The Wiggles

A/N: Ok people I know I haven't written in a while but not many people are reading my story. Not that it matters it's gonna be a very odd story.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters, songs, or whatever I put in here. I most likely don't own it. Or whatever nicknames I have in here. Except for on which actually my friend made up for me. Oh and thanks to my friends cousin for the line "and blood spilled out." If you wanna know that story just email me and ill tell you it. It's a long story. Anyway on with the story.  
  
Chapter 4  
  
Harry opened his eyes to find a ray of light in his eyes. He quickly shut them and turned away from the window. He opened his eyes again and found Dudley looking him right in face. Dudley burst out laughing and ran out if the room. Harry coughed as Dudley ran away. He has terrible morning breath! Harry yawned and started to get dressed. He looked at his calendar that he counted down the days until he returned to Hogwarts. He was going tomorrow. As for today he hoped to laze around outside. It was beautiful out. The sun was shining and it seemed as though he would have a good day. Actually he was sure he would think about everything that Ron had said in his letter and asking Dudley about the wiggles. Harry walked downstairs and found his aunt putting in a video for Dudley. And Harry watched he realized the guys on it were speaking Australian. "Hey Dudley," Harry said. "Who is that?" Dudley started jumping up and down on the couch and making monkey noises. He picked up some of the pillows and started to throw them at Harry while screaming "the wiggles the wiggles the wiggles!!!" Harry stood there letting the pillows hit him as he stared at the men on the television. The wiggles started singing and that made Dudley jump harder. Eventually he jumped so hard that his feet went strait through the couch and Harry looked at Dudley and saw Dudley's ankles below the top of the couch. Harry walked out of the room to hide his laughter. Dudley had jumped so hard that he put a hole in the couch. Harry looked at the clock as he finished eating breakfast and realized that the half hour (A/N takes him an hour to eat a little breakfast. He's just as slow as my friend manda!) was almost up and there would be "bonus footage" afterward. He ran into the room just as the credits were coming up. Harry waited and then he saw the wiggles come up. "G'day everyone! Now we have a special guest with us right now! Barney!" Harry watched as the big purple dinosaur entered the scene. "Hello boys and girls! Now remember me and my friends the wiggles have two very important issues to discuss with you today. Now if you get any of these Hogwarts letters imediantly throw them in the trash, or fire or feed them to your little brother or sister! But don't open it. It's not worth it. Now for our second issue the Wiggles shall tell us what it is." Harry watched as barney motioned for the wiggles to come closer to the screen. Harry saw one of them was riding a bike. "now remember to always wear a helmet! If you don't just think of all the hideous things that could happen!" one of the wiggles said. Harry watched as the wiggles on its bike took the bike and started going strait for a stop sign at a very fast speed. Harry watched as the wiggle slammed full speed at the sign. The wiggle banged into it and he flew backwards and landed so that his lower leg had turned his knee cap inside out (A/N if that made sence) harry jumped and the sight of the hideous scene. The wiggles bone was sticking out and blood spilled out. Harry couldn't believe what he saw. It was gross looking. (A/N duh) Harry ran over tward the tv and quickly shut it off. Thank god he returned to school tomorrow. He wanted to talk the ron and herminoe. Harry walked through the door and to the front door. He walked outside and saw an ambulance in the driveway of the house across the street. Out of the house came the wiggle he had just seen on television. And a man came out with a purple dinosaur constume on holding the barney mask in his hands. Harry stared at the face of the man and gasped. He couldn't believe who he saw.  
  
A/N ha ha I love leaving you all in suspence. Actually the only reason im leaving you all in susupence is cause I only have a vague idea of who it should be that is pretending to be barney. If you reviewers have any suggestions please tell me!!! 


	5. WOW

DISCLAIMER: ok all here is my ever so wonderful disclaimer. I don't own Harry potter, I don't own any of the characters from Harry potter, I think cheese is the best food in the world especially cheddar and mozzarella. That had nothing to do with my disclaimer but you'll survive. Any songs I put in here I don't own, any parts from other movies I put in here are not mine. I'm probably gonna have some parts from Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars. I don't own either of them or characters from there either. Oh and the *dramatic pause* I got from my friend Manda.  
  
A/N hi all! Yeah so much for me leaving you in suspense for a while. Yeah wasn't sure who it was that was wearing the mask. But I think I have a good idea for who it is. We'll find out how well this works. If it doesn't work then all of you reviewers tell me who it is disguised as who is under the Barney mask. If that made sense. Hope so cause here I go.  
  
Chapter 5 WOWS  
  
"WOW!" Harry said as he stared at the face of the man who just took out off the Barney mask. "That is one HUGE zit!" Harry thought to himself. Then he looked at the man's actual face. Harry gasped and said "WOW!" Harry was staring at the face of-*dramatic pause* Cornelius Fudge. The Minister of Magic! (A/N for all of you who didn't know that) Harry couldn't believe it. "I have a bad feeling about this." Harry said out loud to absolutely no one. Or so he thought. "I don't see what the matter is." Uncle Vernon stepped outside and looked across the road at the ambulance that was just pulling out of the driveway. "There was just an accident I'm sure everyone is just fine." Harry still had a bad feeling about it all. Harry looked back across the street at Fudge who was pulling the mask back on and heading inside. Uncle Vernon walked down the porch steps and to the end of the driveway and got the mail. He started to flip through the mail as he made his way back up the driveway. When he made it to Harry, he stopped, looked at Harry and said gruffly, "Why didn't I just make you do this!" Shaking his head uncle Vernon went back inside. Harry sighed and sat down on the front steps. He glanced at his watch. It was almost noon. He got up and went inside for lunch. "Tomorrow I am going to have a nice long talk with Hermione and Ron and see what they have to say about all of this." Harry thought as he went back inside.  
  
Harry lay down to go to bed that night almost wishing that Dudley wasn't messed up in his mind. Dudley had found that running into the door when it was closed, to be the funniest thing in the world. Harry was having trouble sleeping when there was a continuous bang and sound of laughter from the next room. Dudley was going to hurt himself if he kept that up.  
  
Harry was awoken in the middle of the night by an enormous pounding noise on the outside of his door. He sat bolt upright and stared at his door. There was another bang and Harry's door shook. Harry didn't know what to do. He could hear his aunt and uncle yelling and screaming down the hall. Harry quickly dug into his trunk looking for his wand. He knew he wasn't supposed to use magic but if someone was coming to hurt him he should be prepared. The pounding continued and Harry stood up ready for when the door broke down. With one final bang the door flew off its hinges and fell to floor with a crash. Dust came flying at Harry from absolutely no where since the house was so clean. (A/N that probably makes no sense but..) Harry coughed and threw the thick cloud of dust Harry saw an enormous shadow standing in the doorway. Harry raised his wand when the person in the door way suddenly fell to floor on top of the door. Confused Harry took a step further. The person on the floor suddenly breathed in loudly. An odd sort of cackle was from it. It sounded as though it were laughing so hard that no noise came out. Laughter? Harry walked forward and stared down at Dudley who picked his head up and just burst out laughing yet again. Harry sighed and Put his wand back in his trunk. He came back over and helped his aunt and uncle move Dudley back into his room. Dudley's face was shinning with tears of laughter. Harry still didn't see what he found funny about all of it. Uncle Vernon was furious about the door because now he had to pay someone to put a new door in.  
  
A/N: the end of another chapter. I think that this is a good place to end since I have no idea what I'm going to do for when he returns to Hogwarts. I need time to think. Stupid writers block. Oh well. So if any of you have any ideas for me to put in my next chapter, please be so kind as to tell me. If I get more reviews no one is really reading my story here. Oh well! So but for all of you few people reading it, I'll update it when I feel like it. 


	6. Whats Up?

A/N: ok it's been a while since I last wrote but since no one is reading my story. Oh well. I'll survive. (I'm a survivor I'm not gonna give up, I'm not gonna stop, I'm gonna work harder!) Sorry anyway I know the characters might seem a little messed up in the heads in this chapter but that's ok. I'm sure you'll all survive. (I'm a survivor..)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters. I wish I was like my friend, Manders, who always comes up with very funny disclaimers. But I'm not so I'm going to just do my own boring disclaimers. And I'm not sure if yellow jello is mine I think its kind of my entire seventh grade classes. But in a way it's also my dear friend Manders as well since she is writing a story about it. I don't own any songs I put in here either. So, Anyway on with my story.  
  
Chapter 6  
  
What's Up?  
  
Harry woke bright and early the next morning and pulled back the shades so the wonderful morning sunshine fell onto him. It was such a great day and not to mention he was going back to Hogwarts. And that just got a song stuck in his head. "It's a great day to be alive, I know the sun still shinning when I close my eyes." Harry dressed and made sure he had everything packed. When he was sure he went down to breakfast.  
  
Harry stepped out of Uncle Vernon's car and glanced at the clock. He still and 15 minutes until the train left. He went through platform 9 and ¾ and stared at the train for a couple seconds. He then ran up to it and gave it a great kiss. "Err, Harry, what are you doing?" said a voice from behind him. Harry turned around and saw Cho staring at him. Harry blushed and began to stutter "I..I was just... Ah..." Harry never got a chance to get the words out for at that moment Cho burst out crying and said "Oh I see. You never liked me Harry did you? You choose a train over me?!?" Cho turned around and ran into the train still sobbing hysterically. Harry stared at the door of the train Cho had gone through. Bewildered, (A/N ha ha ha I love that word!) Harry turned back around and saw Ron and Hermione coming through the wall that separated platform 9 and ¾ from the rest of the train station. They ran over to him dragging their trunks behind them. (A/N: sorry that just makes me think of little bo peep has lost her sheep and she doesn't know where to find them. Leave them alone, and they'll come home wagging their tails behind them) Ron was the first to speak. "Hey Harry what's up?!" Harry blinked and looked up. A loose owl was flying around and something fell from it. At first it looked like a feather but it was falling awfully fast. SPLAT! Something wet, warm, and gooey fell onto Harry's left eye. (A/N: I'm sure you need to know the details of the owl poop that just fell on him.) Harry looked at Ron and Hermione. The two of them looked like they were hyperventilating. Wondering what was so funny Harry realized what the wet, warm, gooey stuff was. "EEEEEWWWW!" Harry screamed. "GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF, GET IT OFF!" Harry began trying to wipe the wet, warm gooey poop off his face. Hermione, who was gasping for breath, managed to point her wand at him and get rid of the wet, warm, gooey poop off. "Thanks." Harry muttered. He, Ron, and Hermione got onto the train and found an empty compartment for themselves. Ron and Hermione had managed to stop laughing. (A/N: how they did I don't know. If I was there I don't think I would ever stop laughing.) "So Harry," Hermione said. "How have you been? Has anything interesting happened?" She asked. Harry shook his head still feeling grossed out by what had just happened. They didn't talk to much as the train rolled on toward Hogwarts. But when the lunch trolley came by Harry began to get a little hyper. "Whoa, too much sugar there Harry." Ron said as Harry began singing to himself. Hermione, who had gotten out a book, looked over at Harry from the top of it. "Are you feeling ok Harry?" she asked. "Yeah I'm feeling fine, just." Harry started to say but he leaned his head back against his seat and fell fast asleep.  
  
A/N: The end of another chapter. I know it seems like Harry is on something but oh well. Then again it might be because I'm tired right now, which is why Harry is acing weird. Oh well. 


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